civilized bushwhacking

So, I diverge from technology for a bit to describe my recent fascination with Nu Skin, a recent MLM. I had no idea that this thing was so big.  I put this craze right up there with…

• a cheeseburger in a can
• bacon donuts
• this weirdass worm
• bad, bad horror movies (e.g. The Abominable Dr. Phibes
• mixing Catholicism with indigenous religions
• Hitler remixes (Notorious H.I.T., Hitler Rap)

So, a coworker called me the other day and said (something like), “What are you doing at 2:30pm today?”  l told him I was open, so he invited me to an online webinar for Nu Skin.  Having recently been put in the position of having to giving presentations (something I’m not naturally inclined to do), I decided to check it out and could not stop laughing throughout the whole presentation. The presenter had this douche-y MLM “scam” voice where he talked fast, rattles off half baked statements, fired off numbers, and then periodically asks rhetorical questions designed only to provoke the one and only response he needs to set up for the next slide.

It’s really hard for me to understand why so many people fall for this bullshit. Intellectually, I suppose, I can only compare it to my lust for poker.  Poker is ruthlessly predatory, and the difference between poker players and your “uplink” in a MLM scheme and a poker opponent is that poker types are more honest about the nature for the game (to leave the table with YOUR money).  I find MLM schemes pretend to be something better, but then when you look at how exactly money is paid out, you’ll find it very leveraged to the upper tier, blurring the lines on what is a pyramid and what is a legit business. (Telling people that they’re not a pyramid scheme always sounded a bit disinginuous to me, sorta like telling your kid brother, “I did not punch you; you ran into my fist!”)

One of the best pieces of financial wisdom that someone imparted on me was, “He who strives to get rich in a year will get hanged in a month.” The MLM folks who are successful seem to often do so at the expense of whatever political capital and cred that they had with their friends.  At least with poker, you know what you’re getting into. After all, the famous Amarillo Slim once said, “It’s immoral to let a fool keep his money.”  MLM people think like poker players, but are just too “nice” (or savvy!) to put it that crassly, I suppose.

Perhaps the best poker adage that applies to MLM bullshit is, “Look around the table, and if you can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” If you’re “uplink” is telling you it’s a good idea, and you don’t have “downlinks” to fuck over, then maybe you should stick to something that requires a few fewer brain cells!